So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
