i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
