Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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