she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
NoShamevember. You game?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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