I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
