Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
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I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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