The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I love having hate sex.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
