You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
