take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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