I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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