so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
