i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
