they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
