Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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