hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize