Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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