im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
