Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
