I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
