Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
