When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
