Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
