I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
