meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
