I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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