My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
