The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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