would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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