all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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