I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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