I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
