Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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