Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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