we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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