actually, I'm a sock model
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
