My sheets look like a crime scene.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
