I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
