we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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