I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
