just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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