I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
