Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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