please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
