She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize