last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
