I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
