New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
