Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
