It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
