the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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