Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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