I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
