Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
