i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
