Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
