Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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