she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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