If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
