just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
