i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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