i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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