she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
