yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
