Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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