i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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