she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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