drinking out of a sandbucket again
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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