kristin has been a bad kristin
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
