Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
